THREE MONTHS AFTER THE MARRIAGE

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Three months after the marriage; the new has become old. Asserts are fully explored. The breast is fully sucked. The butts have done their parts. Inside your legs, there is nothing new to be seen and felt. Your body odor has fully been diffused inside his nose. Your courtesy has been fully revealed; the neatness, the brushing of teeth, the bathing, the sleeping posture, the nakedness, and the facial expressions have been seen and experienced in full. The intimacy has turned into obliged association. The phone calls, the beach, the outing, and the surprises, perhaps not needed anymore. The urgency and the enthusiasm he used to respond to your calls have turned into a sense of destructing. Kissing and hugging, frequently done four months ago, have been forgotten.

The periodic phone call, chats, text messages, and video calls have been ignored. The anticipated sexual engagement has now turned into a tense request with mere satisfaction. The caring has become partial, companionship is now unnecessary, and attention is now requested. Conversations have become verbal war, with outbursts and pokes. That voice that sounded like melodies 100 days ago now sounds like noise. Forgetting the last time, you had eye contact. Forgetting the last time, you ate together, forgetting the last time, you bathed together, forgetting the last time, you heard I love you. Your concern now sucks, your voice now stinks, your touch now itches. The smoothness of your skin now seems rough, its admiration has been called off. The sweets are shunned.

Loneliness keeps calling, depressions keep knocking, neglectfulness keeps on haunting with a sense of regrets. Tears wished to flow because unhappiness burns through every day. The food doesn’t taste anymore, the aroma has lost it flavor, and the whole cooking isn’t valuable. Your requests, which seem like an obligation four months ago, now seem like torture. Your outburst were threat to his love for you, now it doesn’t move him. The spirit of the love, the soul of the marriage, and the anticipated intimacies are washed away.

What is left to keep the marriage?

The three months used here is just an estimated period of time after marriage. And it isn’t absolute. Yours can just be a few weeks after, or a month, even a year before you start experiencing the other of him. But irrespective of the period or the man in particular; your marriage cannot escape all the aforementioned circumstances. But before you lament, hold on, because they are now going to be unpacked. And before you start making hay on your own, thinking that nothing of that sort is happening. It may be five or ten years later or wait for unexpected problems to come. Remember, some men marry for the purpose of just having children. If not, then congratulations.

The attitudes and characters of men, before the marriage, are totally different from the ones that come afterward. Dating or courtship is a different relationship, and it has no connection as to how the real-life in the marriage will look like. Men are at their best when they see the new you, they are better when they are boyfriends, but turn out to be good or bad when you marry them.  Maybe they wanted to settle. To hear a man say; I want to settle, means he is done with all the beautiful sexy girls of all types; and wants to have children, for future life. And also wants to get a supportive woman who could help him fix all the damages he has caused and is about to cause. Most of the marriages you see today are built on these. Perhaps, for good reasons

Now, if you are an unmarried lady, know very well that being customarily and officially married to a man isn’t the same as merely dating him. Your position in the former wouldn’t be the same as that in the latter. When a man realizes that he owns you, he misbehaves. And when he doesn’t own you, he behaves. It can be that even though he doesn’t own you, but he has enjoyed all or even more of what a married man is supposed to enjoy. You shouldn’t expect a man to fully respect you after giving him such opportunities. Unless you meet those fully matured gentlemen, which is rare in our society today. Now that all is down and dusted for him, now that you sleep in the same bed with him, now that you stay in his house, now that he probably feeds you all day, now that he has tasted every sweet of yours, it is good to know that you aren’t new to him anymore.

Therefore, your purpose, if at first was satisfying him in bed. will have to change. Or if it was just a mere outing and enjoyment, it has to change. Or if it was about cooking and washing, it has to change.  Maybe you were cool and calm with much respect, it can be that your type of body wasn’t his preference, and so he married you just because he thought that you could be of greater help. After the marriage, he might meet a lady with the same attitude as yours with his preferred body type and shape. I’m sorry, but you wouldn’t be of use to him any longer. If care is not taken, your pregnancy will look like a stumbling block for his chance to marry his perfect lady.  Or if there is/are child/children, you guys will be fighting every day. Your purpose in a man’s life determines how he treats you in the marriage.

Now, after the marriage; all the things he once begged you for, have now become your duties. And all the things he once requested, have now become your responsibilities. At first, he will struggle before you enter his room. Now, you’re staying with him. At first, he had to put much effort before giving him a night. Now you’ll have to half-nakedly or nakedly lie beside him every night. At first, you had to choose a day to wash for him or even cook for him. Now, you’re obliged to do all. At first, you did express your displeasure for not opening your legs. Now, you’ll have to, even though not feeling for it, open for him to be satisfied. At first, he used all the pet names in the world; baby, honey, dear, sweetheart in addition to the ones he formed for you. Now, he calls you by your English name, with a shout of command. At first, he will initiate a conversation with all humility and calmness. Now, he shouts as if you’re 100km away.

It takes a well-civilized man, who deeply understands women to still treat and maintain full respect for his wife after all these.

It hasn’t been more than 100 days since your boyfriend walked in heavy rain to buy food to be given to you, ten miles away from where he stays. That boyfriend is now your husband, and can’t even ask you whether you’ve eaten. That same boyfriend who used to celebrate your birthday from the advance to the belated, can’t even remember the month you were born after he became your husband. He will talk more about a night ride you gave him when you were dating, now that you’re married to him; saying thank you after sex has become difficult, he even pushes you away and faces the wall to sleep. At first when you complain of a headache; he will be like should I take you to the hospital?  Now, when you complain about general body pains he will be like; so, does that mean you can’t cook?  The man, who at first, can borrow money from friends just to take you out, now tells you he doesn’t have money for you to braid your hair. It might not be long since he became your husband.

He now doesn’t care about your looks, your dandruff, skin rashes, crumbling body, and fading face, and other minor deformities. At first, he used to care about those things. Maybe that is why you told your friends that he cares. Now, he doesn’t and doesn’t even talk about it. Your phone calls have become threats to his existence, you are constantly accused of cheating. All your male friends, he assumes, have slept with you. He brings visitors anytime he wants. Even ladies, whom he will say they are just friends. But will wild on you the very day you bring your own; they too might be ladies. It has bored all your friends away; because no one wants to live, carrying the reasons for your divorce. Precious people are gone. Male friends who could have helped you to pursue your career, are all gone. All for the sake of a husband who promised heaven and earth when he was a boyfriend.

Depressions have mounted, your abilities have vanished, your capabilities have diminished. Your husband doesn’t want you to dress for an occasion. Even after a family funeral, on your way coming would be imagined to be passing by another man. Your world seems small, yet it was a huge territory that had lots of wonderful people. It was three months after the marriage

You only have to be strong, be trying some possible ways to be helping yourself. Read books, watch movies. Keep your mind out of your tarnished marriage scenes. If you can divorce. Do it. Don’t say is too early, you’ll soon turn to be old for the likeness of another man. I don’t know how you can redeem yourself. But there must be a way. Don’t waste your life. Marriage has lost its prestige, don’t lose yours for it.

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