You might be staying with your current husband just because he impregnated you, and was forced by your parent to marry you. If you are in such a situation, hold your tears, if not, have a sound reading. Age calculation is very important to the lives of ladies. And I won’t overemphasize this. Seeing the smiles in the beautiful photoshoots. Witnessing how gorgeous and nicer they are looking; with much respect and pull of happiness from different people. The engagement, the wedding, the toast, the vows, and the kiss. All look refreshing and interesting with heavy wishful thoughts inside your mental faculties. The facial expressions and attitude of such thoughts wouldn’t show at the event. But the character and the intensity of such an imagination, after the event will surely reflect. Then the questions on when and how yours will happen become tense.
But before you become desperate and enthused about a similar concert; think about how it all happened and start putting yourself into it. Was she pregnant during the wedding? Did she have a child with the guy or not? Was the lady trying to flee from a previous relationship? Or does the man wants to cut up certain relationships short? Or does he wants to outsmart a certain village girl he had impregnated? Did the family force them to marry in order to save them from shame and stigma? Or they did do that to avoid mockery in the church? Is the lady or the guy under pressure to avoid doctrinal defiance in the church? Or indeed, they willingly married? So, before you start the desperate attitude and jealousy gestures, try to think about all these things.
What really propels people to marry these days?
In the first place, sex has become a norm in our endeavors these days. Whether they are friends or besties. Whether they are dating or not. Whether they just met for a camp meeting, excursion, or an event. Sex can happen. Small chemistry, little affection, and even just eye contact can result in sexual activities. It is the commonest mistake in our society today. It doesn’t take a lot to have sex with a married woman or man. And so, it isn’t difficult to engage in sexual activities with someone nowadays. So, a sexual relationship whether in a serious relationship or not can happen anywhere at any time. Hence, people mistakenly sleep with others without having in mind to marry them. That guy you saw your friend marrying might just be her mere study mate; maybe they mistakenly had sex, and the lady got pregnant and was forced to marry.
He didn’t plan to marry that girl; it might be that they weren’t able to control themselves the time when they were alone in a friend’s room. The lady got pregnant and they were forced to marry. Your friend’s husband to be is rich. Yes! But wait, he might not be the one in your friend’s mind. He came to rescue her in a very crucial financial situation and the guy requested just a night show and the pregnancy pooped out. Maybe that is why they got married.
The second situation that leads to unexpected marriage is the hidden children of some city ladies. Many of them have children in the village. Some are married to some men; just that the parents weren’t interested in it. A man will unexpectedly jump into their lives, they marry them and later realize that the lady had gotten children in the village. Sometimes it isn’t their fault, because such ladies appear to be so humble, caring, submissive, and loving. Few men will ignore such ladies. But after paying the bride price, and investing all his money in her, he will then realize something fishy going on within her family circle. Before he realizes it, he had already fallen into it.
Many ladies and gentlemen today carry huge problems. Burdens of barren, chronic diseases, spiritual problems, and so on. It can also be that you will marry someone today, looking strong, gentle, and beautiful. A few weeks after the marriage, he/she will get blind or get burnt with fire or acid in the face. Fortune might not be fair, but all are the realities of life. So, before you think about marriage, think about all these things; self-control, the hidden secrets, and the misfortunes that accompany it. The question will be whether you’re or will be ready for it or not.
See also: Before you Rush for a Date
Pregnancy has become a common deadlock in today’s marriages. Most of the ladies and guys are not to be blamed, others too deserve the consequence of it. The first fatal mistake is to start thinking that the current girl or guy does not have the sexy body or money to take care of you. That is when the guy might not be financially stable or the lady, not having big breasts and butts. So, when those with cars, houses, big breasts, phones, big butts, and money starts popping in; you start jumping into it. The question is; will you marry them when the need be? Or you are just playing around? And don’t you know there can be a critical situation, where you’ll be forced to marry him/her?
As a lady in your late twenties, it is too late for you to be preaching the doctrines of he can take care of me. Can’t you see that taking care of me matters had created serious tensions between the one you truly loved? And have you asked yourself why you are pressing your boyfriend to marry you? Is because certain guy from nowhere is seriously proposing marriage. He might be ready not because he loves you so much, maybe it’s because you are beautiful and sexy, hence, desperately looking forward to paying your bride price. When this happens, you expose yourself to an unexpected marriage, your inward beauty suppresses and goes unnoticed. Then your outward appearance takes you to the dungeon. What do I mean by inward and outward appearance?
The inward appearance is your real beauty; calm, respectfulness, submissive, loving, emotions, and happiness. Such qualities and mechanisms don’t come with money or sexy body. It within. And you spend all your life building and shaping it. Maybe not! The outwards appearance is the breasts, butts, face, legs, and hair. Any guy with money can make it shine and fresh. And that is taken seriously all the time. So, you might think you are beautiful, in outward appearance, and might be swayed by how frequently guys talk and discuss you. Hence, making yourself available to any guy whom you think might be worth having you because of money. Before you bug into an unexpected marriage, think about it. The fact that he can take care of you doesn’t mean he can handle your emotions, happiness, or reveal all secrets to you. Not all who have money to take care of you can make you smile. And not all of them have a sound and peaceful relationship history. You’ll have to be careful. And the fact that you are giving him sex in return doesn’t mean he is much into you. To him, you might not be the best rider.
So, before losing yourself to all these, phones, houses, cars, and expensive rents. Think about when you’ve become his fiancée; will he accept a pregnancy when it comes, or he will tell you to abort? If he emphatically suggests abortion, you deny and family matters pop in, the last that will happen is for you to get married to him. That is when you’ll experience the real feeling of unexpected marriage.
Also, be conscious of these church matters. They are very strong and corrosive when it comes to marriage. The elders, the pastors, and the marriage counsels. They are dangerous; as in they care much about their church documents more than your lifetime journey. They hold only one principle; you wouldn’t have slept with him/her if you didn’t love him/her. It is a principle you don’t hold and apply. Pregnancy is their central issue. So, be careful. When it comes, they will first protect the dignity of the church, before considering your future. They will press your parents, force them and threaten them to turn your adultery into marriage. Your father will do all that he can, and your mother will put all her efforts to redeem their reputation. Maybe as an elder or leader of the women/men fellowship. Don’t joke about this. Because such situations are critical, you might not be able to withstand them. The worse you could ever do is to abandon both your parent and the church. An agony you cannot forever live with.
As you will be fighting all these battles, the future of your unborn baby will be at stake. At that critical moment, any decision you take affects the unborn child. An unexpected marriage might be the better choice.
Again, not all the beautiful unmarried ladies you see around are childless. Many of them are married and have kids in the village. Some of them have abandoned them for the sake of family displeasure. Others saw motherhood too early. Some of them run away for greener pastures. Others too have handed them over to their parents. And they are walking majestically and beautifully in the city streets as if nothing has happened. Whatever be the case, you’ll mistakenly be preparing to marry a mother of kids. Lots of ladies you see around have such issues inside their purses. And many of them have vowed not to disclose until they officially get married. So, be careful. It is true, sometimes, it isn’t their fault. And no! I am not saying having children is a crime. The question here is, are you ready for a woman with kids?
Scrutinize the lady, be asking her intriguing questions, capture the reactions and body gestures. Try to push her to take you to the village. Lure her to open up to you. Show her great love, shatter all her excuses, create a free-flow-like conversation, and drive it to your wishes. Force to know what you are supposed to. If the woman is good and can be of greater help to your life even though she has kids, fine. And if you are ready to take all the consequence that comes after it, so be it. But remember, you only know the beginning.
Again, people with huge burdens are common in the system. Both ladies and guys. Some are with chronic diseases, others are infertile. Some are with spiritual problems; others can’t live without certain addictions. Some are very depressed, others are with mental problems from their previous relationships. They appear in so many kinds and the circumstances that follow drains a lot of energy, resources, and time. Don’t be too fast to marry a lady or guy just because he/she is marriage material. Trust me, people with such issues will do all they can to win your heart. Study his/her emotional outbursts, thoughts, and how he/she perceives the world. You can retrieve lots of information from there.
And also, beware of those who don’t want to talk about their previous relationships. And when talking about it, doesn’t give many details. He/she must tell you what really happened. In an open and loosed conversation, initiate that in. People hide lots of vital information from their previous relationships which normally comes to hunt the marriage afterward. There might be lots of abortions, disappointments, kids, dirty stuff, and peculiar intimacies. Yes! Your future, husband, or wife might be doing certain things with her previous guy or girl, it is so dirty and he/she might be feeling shy or ashamed doing that with you. He/she will continue with /him/her without your notice. More on this later.
Problems that come after these unexpected marriages can be clearly predicted; cheating, dirty secrets, secret affairs, lying, sleepless nights, depression, tears, heartbreaks, mental traumas. You’ll never like the experience.